Forgiveness
by TML9115
Summary: Set after 3x10. Not being able to sleep with all that had happened in the day, Sara goes to visit Ava. AvaLance! Complete!


**AN:**

 ** _Forgiveness_**

Sara Lance knew one thing and that was that she'd never truly be done fighting. The day she'd stepped foot on the Gambit, her life had changed. There were days she'd thought it was for the better, but those days were few and far between. They only occurred in times she and her team made a huge impact on the world. In times she worked with heroes from other universes to save the earths involved. All the other times she recalled her time on the cursed island and hated herself for stepping foot on that damned boat with her sister's boyfriend. So many times she told herself that it was karma that had led her to where she was today, but even karma couldn't be so cruel, could it?

She always made sure to keep her internal battle hidden from her team. They needed a strong leader, not one who was fighting their own demons with each passing minute. She sighed giving up on sleep. She wasn't sure why she'd even attempted sleep with everything that had happened hours before. She found herself in the kitchen fabricating a bottle of wine. If she was going to stay awake then she'd want to stay awake in good company.

"Gideon," she called out to the AI.

"Would you like me to open a portal to Ava for you," Gideon asked. Her tone no longer teasing, it was clear to the AI that the Captain was struggling with the events that had taken place.

"Can you do that without a Time Courier," Sara asked. She was hopeful and she was sure that Gideon could hear it in her voice. She'd planned on taking the jump ship, but if Gideon could send her then she'd take it.

"I can, thanks to the upgrade from Dr. Palmer. He incorporated the time piece you took from Captain Hunter with my time drive. It should not be difficult to track the agent down." Gideon tracked the agent and to no one's surprise she located her in her office. She opened a portal into the Agent's office.

"Gideon," Sara began.

"Don't worry Captain Lance, this will be our secret."

Sara chuckled. "Thanks Gideon." She stepped through the portal wine bottle in hand. Ava was so engrossed in her paperwork she didn't notice Sara's arrival until she cleared her throat.

"Jesus Sara, you scared the life out of me." Ava jumped, her arm hand resting on her racing heart. "What are you doing here," she asked. "Not that I'm not glad you're here." She quickly added. She hated how giddy seeing Sara in her office made her.

"I brought wine." She held up the bottle of wine.

"You brought wine." Ava repeated. That still didn't answer her question. "We still have no leads on Director Hunter." Ava wasn't sure why Sara was there, a part of her hoped that it was not because of business.

"That's not, that's not why I'm here." She didn't miss the relieved look on Ava's face.

"Why are you here," Ava questioned, still trying not to be too hopeful.

"Constantine," she blurted out his name before she realized it.

"Constantine," Ava asked. She really needed to stop repeating everything Sara said. it was getting annoying, even to her.

Sara nodded. "I did something kind of stupid, it didn't mean anything, I was feeling." She sighed. "I don't know what I was feeling." She set the bottle of wine down and looked away from Ava. She couldn't bear to see the hurt look on her face. The look Ava was trying so hard to hide but was failing. She hated herself even more at that moment. She knew she shouldn't have told Ava but if she ever wanted anything to happen with her then she needed to be honest.

Ava's first reaction was hurt, followed by anger. She'd really thought she and Sara were leading up to something. The anger and hurt quickly vanished at the look in Sara's eyes. There was more that Sara wasn't telling her, she didn't know what it was but she was sure it had nothing to do with the warlock. She decided she'd be angry at her later, right then, she cared about one thing and that was the saddened look behind those blue eyes that she'd come to adore. She moved from behind her desk and took a seat on the couch in her office. She patted the cushion beside her asking Sara to join her. "What were you feeling Sara," she asked, making sure her voice was caring, she wanted Sara to know that she held no judgement for whatever it was she had to tell her.

Sara paced back and forth a few times before grabbing the bottle from the desk and taking it with her to the couch. "I forgot glasses." The one thing she could've done right tonight she failed to. This really was a horrid day.

Ava took the bottle from her hands and unscrewed the lid. She took a long sip from the bottle before handing it back to Sara.

Sara smiled, she wasn't sure why she was even surprised, Ava always managed to do the unexpected. She drank from the bottle and placed it on the table in front of them.

"What were you feeling," Ava asked again.

"I felt so." She didn't want to finish the sentence. She feared that if she said the word out loud then it would be true.

"Sara," Ava encouraged.

Sara sighed and leaned her head against the back of the couch. She wanted to cry at the comforting hand Ava placed on her thigh. "You've read my file," she asked and waited for the nod before continuing. "When I left the league I was fighting for the last bit of my humanity that was left, then I died and Laurel brought me back. I had to fight for my soul, I had to fight to control the blood lust and the urge it gives me to kill. Now Mallus has his hold on me and he keeps telling me he'll get me. I know I have to keep fighting, I'm just so tired of always fighting. All I ever do is fight." She sighed. " I guess I was just feeling, broken." She couldn't help the few tears that ran down the side of her face.

Ava's heart broke in that moment, she had thought Sara admitting being with someone else had hurt but nothing could prepare her for the Sara sitting beside her now, all she wanted to do was reach out and take Sara into her arms but she wasn't sure it was what Sara needed. Not at that moment. "And what is so wrong with being broken." She asked.

"What." Sara sat up. She couldn't tell if Ava was being serious.

"I said, what is so wrong with being broken." She repeated. She reached out to Sara wiping the tears from the side of her face. "Sara you have overcome more than any one person should have to in several lifetimes. It's okay to break as long as you don't give up and I have never known you to give up. You are allowed to feel broken, weak, and powerless, that doesn't make you any less of the amazingly strong and beautiful person that you are."

It took a minute for the words to sink in as Sara thought them over. "I am," she asked. For years she'd not been able to be anything but strong, if not for the League, then for her family and then the Legends. No one had ever said it was okay, it was always the 'hang in there' or 'it will get better', or 'you're tough, you can handle anything'.

"You are," Ava reassured. "It doesn't make you weak Sara. It helps you heal and in healing you will learn to forgive."

Forgiveness was one thing Sara struggled with, she never felt as though she could really forgive herself for everything she'd done. "What if I don't deserve forgiveness," she asked.

Ava's heart was breaking more and more each time Sara spoke. "Sara you deserve forgiveness more than anyone, you have worked so hard to try and make up for the things you did in your past, things you did to survive." She reminded her. "Instead of trying to forgive yourself for everything, how about you pick one thing each week or however long it takes and you work on forgiving yourself for that one thing only."

"Just one thing," Sara asked, that didn't seem as hard.

"Yes, and, if you ever want to talk it out, I'm always here." Ava offered.

"I don't deserve you Aves." She moved to sit beside Ava so that their shoulders were touching. She was about to kiss her when Ava stopped her.

"If you think you're going to kiss me tonight after having been with Constantine then you are sorely mistaken." Ava was a forgiving person but even she had her limits.

Sara chuckled. "Fair enough." She settled her head against Ava's shoulder instead. "Thanks Ava." She didn't know how Ava had managed to get her out of her dark headspace but she had, at least for now. She felt hope in knowing that Ava would be there to help her fight through the darkness the next time it tried to overtake her.

"You're welcome Sara." She kissed that top of Sara's head, resting her own against it.


End file.
